A whole lot of obstacles.

As well as being obstinate and sarcastic, I am known for always finding obstacles in every possible plan of action that involves changing my life. Even when I am not happy with the status quo. I know, It does make me sound delightful but I think it's a bit late in the day to try and restructure my entire blog around making me sound like a nicer person. 

 I don't why I have such a negative outlook on things but I can talk myself out of pretty anything by mentally writing an endless list of reasons why I can't take that particular course of action. It's almost my specialty but I'm not entirely sure that's something I should be attempting to brag about.

 I've done it with fitness, for so many years I couldn't workout because of so many reasons. The main one that I wouldn't admit to is that I actually didn't want to. It would have made things a lot easier if I could have just been honest about that rather saying how I couldn't afford it, didn't have the energy for it and didn't have the time. Lots of valid reasons why I couldn't and then I bit the bullet and actually got into it. I'd like to say I've never looked back but that's not entirely true. It's all well and good when I have the time to drive to Clonmel and train in the gym there but when illness, work, time constraints get in the way and realistically I could workout at home. I do actually have enough equipment and knowledge of basic workouts to throw some together but I don't. I'm too tired, too busy, too sluggish, you name the excuse I've already told myself it twice. The truth is at home, left to my own devices, I am unmotivated and lazy so its all too easy to let it slide and do nothing at all. It was such a December that has me struggling through my last three gym classes because getting back in shape is hard and damn my liver is not enjoying the experience. 

 It's a similar story with any changes to my social life. In truth I am easy to get comfortable and indeed stuck into my routine of not doing very much and need to be pushed to leave my comfort zone. A mere nudge will not do the trick. I will protest my brokeness, my lack of desire to put clothes on after work ( as opposed to pyjamas, just in case anyone thinks I wander around my house naked) or in fact leave the house, I don't have the time and I'm sure I have more tucked away in a drawer for special occasions. I am making them gradually and reluctantly but it still counts.

 This just leaves my career. A term I like to use somewhat loosely given my complete lack of one. My current job keeps in a nice enough apartment with no real debts to my name but it wasn't quite what I had in mind when I pictured where I'd be in my thirties. So here's the crossroads I find myself at. I need to move forward because I will crack up if I stay where I am much longer. Looking at all my avenues I will either need to retrain, my favourites for this would either be primary teaching or as a play therapist or try and use my degree in social care. To use my degree I need to do some more short but expensive courses and get my full driving licence. These all cost money I don't have but the main obstacle to working in social care is that I am not entirely convinced I want the work. And I would be of the belief that is a lot of hoops to jump through for a job I am not that eager to get but perhaps that's just me conveniently making excuses and creating obstacles just for the sake of it.
Honestly if money was no object(don't you just love a sentence like that) play therapy would be (and has always been my top choice) but I have never taken the time to research it fully beyond finding out you can do it part time in Dublin and it costs €4000 a year and then I put it away in a corner of my mind until I had that sort of money to spend. Considering I've been talking about this since I started college and I've been finished now over three years you might get a fairly good indication of how well my plan to procrastinate until such a time as I had gotten my act together is going. 
So decision made and here's a late new years resolution for you. I am going to look into this course properly and I have a whole year to get it sorted because it's already started for this year but that's probably a good thing and who knows next year might just be my year. Provided too many obstacles don't get in my way 

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