The body image battle

Like most women, I have major body image issues so I don't think for a moment this makes me special. It's always at the back of my mind and frequently the main thing I think about but I was forced to properly confront it on Monday during a class at the gym. The crossfit gym I go to has a big long mirror against one of the walls, not so we can admire ourselves or fix our hair but so that we can check we are doing exercises correctly. Much more effective and less likely to injure yourself and normally I'm all for anything like that but as it happens I really don't like having to look at myself in a mirror particularly when I'm all sweaty and wearing tight clothes.

 Anyway we were practising a movement called toe to bar. It's pretty much like it sounds. You hang from a bar and then using a controlled swinging movement you bring your feet up to meet the bar. Yea it's pretty damn hard and I suck at it. I'm still working on the progression which is called knees to elbow and you hang from the bar and practice getting your knees up to meet your elbows , I also suck at this. While doing this I look up and realise I have the misfortune to be facing a mirror and not any mirror at that but a mirror that's a little bit buckled in the middle and does not give the most flattering reflection ( a fact I had to keep reminding myself of as I took deep breaths) Anyway  I am there dangling from a bar like the most inelegant monkey ( I guess I still need to work on the controlled movement part) and all I can see is the gap between my tshirt and my running pants and the belly fat.
Now maybe it's just because I was hanging from a bar and that made my tshirt lift, a girl can only hope because it did not make me feel good inside.

 Body image is such a complicated issue especially for a woman with low self esteem ( is there any other kind). We are constantly bombarded with images in all forms of media that have been photoshopped beyond recognition and then told this is what we should look like and it's hard to accept that we can't look that way. The other issue at play here is that most women don't really see their bodies how they actually look. Instead they see a projection of the image they hold in their heads and that's why you can lose a load of weight and still feel fat and others will scoff indignantly at this ridiculous notion. You can tell me how I should feel all you like but you can't tell me how I actually feel about these things. The answer is I don't feel happy. This is not the body I strived for and it's certainly not the body I want. I am hoping on some level that this quitting sugar gig and getting back into training will beat my body back into shape or at least a shape I can be happy with and maybe, just maybe I will tackle my body image issues another day. For now though, I think I'll just stay away from the mirror in the gym

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