Laura is in a relationship with food (it's complicated )

I was looking in my cupboards the other day and just felt depressed by the contents. Given that I had only gone food shopping the day before that was not
a good sign. There was no chocolate, no biscuits, no crisps , no treats of any kind and I was hungry but also I felt a little sad because a handful of almonds and some oat cakes really wasn't going to do the trick.

A lot of it is the elimination diet I'm on. Which quite frankly is a bitch. It's not fun at all, and to be fair If this was a weight loss attempt, I'd have probably given up already and be mouth deep in chocolate as we speak. fortunately for me and my poor self control it's far more complicated
Than that.

I'm hoping that I can find a diet I can live with that doesn't bring on IBS attacks and it seems the only way to do that is to cut out all the banned foods ( damned short
Chain carbohydrates) for two whole months and then gradually reintroduce them until I know for sure who the troublemakers are. I know a lot of people think this is madness and possibly too extreme but since I've started there's been one or two occasions where I've eaten a food I'm not sure of or too much of a food I'm only allowed a minimal quantity of and been so ill for the rest of the day that I feel like a child who's just been chastised for her bad behaviour.
And I'm think its okay body, I hear you loud and clear, I'll be more careful
From now on.

I think for me food had often been about control. I think that's what's kept my diet so very limited over the last thirty years or
So ( yes that's my whole life ) and I feel as though I might not be in control over the rest of my life but I can control food. So I've built this whole persona around clean eating. I tell myself that's who I am not and It's what I'm about so much
So that I don't know know who I'd be
If I stopped.

There's no real danger of me slipping back to my bad habits because the food I used to eat would make me so unaccountably ill I would be unable to continue for very long.
According to this elimination diet I can have sugar. I can't have High fructose corn syrup or agave or most sweetness . I also can't have milk so this means technically I could be eating some chocolate but With all the other restrictions it could only be green and blacks 70% which lets face it, is not he most appealing of chocolate bars so
I barely get any credit for resisting. Now it could be used in baking to make any number of delicious things but so far I haven't because I haven't eaten any sugar
Since just before lent and its kind of being my thing. Check this out I am not eating sugar ! So yea you got it, here's Laura exercising some restraint and I have such little faith in myself I am worried it will all go to hell the minute I let sugar creep back In.

So now I think you see what I mean when I say my relationship with food is complicated.

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