Why I won't be buying womens health magazine

Sometimes I have to work on the front till in work and when it gets really quiet I occupy myself by scanning magazine covers and seeing if there's anything worth buying. Lately I find myself hovering around the health lifestyle magazines like healthy living and women's Health. Now logically I know almost all of the time magazines are a complete waste of money I don't have to spend in the first place but its like I have trouble acknowledging the fact that this also applies to healthy magazines. It's as though I'm thinking that because they are dealing with matters of Health and fitness they must be good for me.

Drawn in by Its enticing cover I borrowed a copy of Women's health to read on my lunch ( working in a bookstore isn't all bad) and was almost immediately glad I hadn't bothered to pay actual cash money for it( as opposed to Monopoly money) as usual it was full of health advice that was either wrong or unhelpful.

One article actively encouraged the eating of small amounts of sweets on a regular basis and they showed the calorie 

Count of various different sweets. It was phrased in such a way that if you didn't know any better you might think low calorie was the same as Healthy. Fortunately I'm not an idiot and I wasn't impressed looking at a page of sweets all 

Full of sugar and chemicals my body doesn't need. I'd expect this from cosmopolitan perhaps but not a magazine that's supposed to be giving me tips on how to live a healthy lifestyle. They did suggest small enough portions of the treats but clearly they neglected

To think about the fact that sugar is addictive so if you have that yummy handful like they suggest you'll want some more and unless you have fantastic 

Restraint ( I don't ) you'll quite possibly find yourself looking guiltily at the empty 

Wrapper thinking f@#k you women's health and your suggestion that I eat two pieces of chocolate or 30g of gummy bears.

Then of course there's this 

Now I'm not a prude and usually I don't find fruit to be offensive but I've never seen someone use a banana to penetrate a melon before. There's a first time for everything and I know it's strange but somehow I find this more offensive than if they had used actual genitalia to illustrate this article on sex tips. I cannot speak for the tips themselves because I neglected to read them, that image was putting me off my salad. They also made a strawberry look very vaginal just by cutting it in half and putting it beside the hot sex tips ( or whatever the title was) 

Ah you had to see how they did it to get it but I turned to one of the girls on lunch With me and showed her the picture saying do you think this looks suggestive and she laughed until she saw what the banana and melon were up to. 

They also had another article on reading body language. I don't want to be unfair 

Because they are not the only women's magazine I have seen do this but the whole article was designed around his to read your mans body language and tell if he's lying to you. I mean fucking hell do we really need This? And if we're to be successful at reading body language, could we not be putting those talents to better use. I honestly think most women have enough crazy in their heads without having some half baked theories about our other half cheating on us. The trouble 

Is that even if you learn how to interpret body language it's still easy to misinterpret. Sometimes an itchy nose Is just that. Wouldn't it be easier if cheaters just came home smelling of perfume with lipstick on their collar and wouldn't it be nicer If women's magazines weren't programming us to look for cheating that wasn't actually taking place. How about a few more articles on how to make relationships work, that would be a bit more helpful.

so incase you were wondering, that's why I won't be buying women's health magazine this month or next but I might still take a sneak peek in work occasionally