Like me, like me, like me !

Does anyone else remember fancy papers? well in case you don't they were all the rage in the 1980's when I was a child, they were small decorated notepads that had different pictures on them and they were scented. I used to love to collect them and by the time I was seven I had built up quite a collection and a girl in my class, who was more popular than me, said I could come to her birthday party if I just gave her my entire collection so I did and then discovered her birthday was actually on the same day as mine and had already passed. So that is my earliest memory of being a people pleaser, it's also when I realized I was a sucker and You know I don't think I've ever really liked that girl since. Is 24 years too long to hold a grudge? maybe not when you consider that she never gave me back my fancy papers and I was too embarrassed to tell anyone.

I've always felt overwhelmed by a desire to be liked by almost everyone I meet and honestly It's exhausting. for as long as I can remember I've gone out of my way to be obliging to other people, out of fear that they wont like me if I'm disagreeable. Even going so far as to give up my entire collection of fancy papers (okay so I'll drop it now ) and it's a lot of work with very little gain. 

Throughout my teens and much of my twenties I was a bit of a pushover and I know a large part of that was my fear of rejection. I had it happen once at sixteen and I worried for far too many years afterwards that If I stood up to my friends or was too forceful in my opinion I'd be left with no friends and frankly that concept terrified me. The problem with striving to make everyone like you is that you're only setting yourself up for failure. You will find yourself compromised and very very angry because all that stuff you let go to avoid confrontation eventually starts to build up and eats away at you inside while you keep your mouth shut just so you seem like a nice person.

The reality is no matter how you try not everyone will like you. Some people will take offence to your sense of humor or your sarcasm (which are kind of the same thing with me), or they might not like the way you look (particularly as you get fitter) or they just might not get you. And the thing that it's taken me a long time to realize is that it's actually okay.
It's okay to not be liked by everybody and it's okay to have people not agree with you.
To be fair I don't like everyone I meet and yes sometimes if I take an instant dislike to someone I can handle it if it's mutual. But sometimes when you like someone, think that they are a genuinely nice person and then find out for whatever reason they have taken an instant dislike to you, that, I'll admit, kind of stings.

So I'm feeling like I can have my own opinion even if it doesn't match that of my friends or my colleagues or whoever. The point is it's my opinion and that doesn't make what I think right or wrong (though I am mostly right) it just makes it my opinion on a given subject. 
I'm just trying to be me because being the person I think other people want me to be takes up too much time and far too much energy. So instead of going around screaming (in my head) like me, like me, like me, I'm just saying like or don't.