confessions of a chocoholic

This is me after a square of chocolate only I have more teeth. It's official I am back eating sugar and my chocoholic-ism is getting out of hand. It's possible you might be laughing at my supposed to addiction to sugary treats but I was helping a customer find a book on addiction recently (gambling addiction, In case you are wondering) and a lot of the books that cover a wide range of addictive behaviors also include chocolate. Probably best not to refer to it as an addiction in front of people who are dealing with the consequences of something far more serious because I don't think I've ever heard of someone losing their house because of their problems with chocolate but maybe I could be the first. 

 No okay so I'm not quite that bad and for the most part I keep it under control but I'm good at the all or nothing way of living and not so great at everything in moderation. For the few months that I went sugar free I was a little fanatical about it. Sorry about that folks. I think my mother really enjoyed trying to get me treats when I couldn't actually eat anything. Like the time she was delighted with the gluten free chocolate sauce she had bought and I had to burst her bubble by pointing out that firstly chocolate sauce really shouldn't contain gluten in the first place and also that sugar was the main ingredient in it so I wasn't likely to be eating it any time soon.

 For some reason I almost thrived on depriving myself of all the bad foods, smug in the knowledge that a fatter me had been laid to rest and wasn't coming back but also sort of punishing myself for my many years of gluttony. Yes I'm all too aware I have many issues with food and I'm working on it I swear. It's a work in progress. But I got to the stage where I felt like maybe I needed to relax a little bit. I'm getting to a point where I have no vices left and its making me feel very boring. Not that occasional over indulgence on chocolate is all that hedonistic when it comes down to it but It's all I have unless I want to make excessive reading some how sound less anti social and more bad-ass. 

 I'm handling chocolate better than I did before the break but I have a tendency to selectively forget that dark chocolate is a stimulant which means I can only have small amounts several hours before bed or else I will find myself twitching like someone after too much red bull at a time when I would usually be fast asleep as I have been the past two nights.
So I'm not quite a reformed chocoholic and life is too short to give it up completely so I'll allow myself small doses here and there and lament my lack of willpower when I inevitably go to town on the cookies that were supposed to last a week or the bar that was really there for baking.

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