Single Laura is ever so judgey


Today I found myself sitting outside a cafe in town just soaking up the sun, feeling like I should be getting as much of it as possible because I'd been let out of work early (it was quiet and I was owed some time off). Anyway I'm sitting there reading my book and this attractive man asks if he can sit at the table and while he's sitting there I'm trying to check him out but also look like I'm reading (and probably doing an awful job of it) until I see the book he's reading and it's some awful Chris Ryan type modern military fiction and I find myself thinking never mind. It was only as this thought formed in my head that I realized quite how often I find myself doing this.

Now I have made some pretty big mistakes in the last few years and there's been more than one questionable boyfriend so perhaps I could have done with a bit more of this judgmental side of personality making an appearance during my twenties and warning me to run far far away. Maybe I've suppressed this side of myself until now or perhaps I'm just over compensating for the times when I sold myself short.

It's happening all the time and I can't help it, If I'm working or just out in town I find myself checking out attractive men that pass my line of sight. Now It could just be that Waterford as a city is not exactly teeming with hot men so I'm just constantly on the lookout. and it goes a little like this 'oh he looks hot' and he's heading into McDonalds, nevermind or he's wearing tracksuit pants or he's wearing tracksuit pants and heading into McDonalds, why am I even looking at this guy. It might be his terrible hair or the fact that he's just bought a load of that type of men's magazines (FHM and so on) or he's got awful taste in books or a really ugly tattoo but what it all boils down to is I've already dismissed him and gotten back to work which is what I should have been doing in the first place.

I think the real problem is that I can't seem to switch that part of my brain off. It's always going and judging without me even trying. And all I seem to have worked out is a long long list of what I don't like and not much else

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