The one that got away

People often talk about the one that got away. You know that break up you always regret, the person who could have been the one ( colour me dubious but I'm not sure I believe in that concept) but I am going to have to be honest here and say that it's not a concept I readily identify with. Generally speaking if I'm left with any regrets about relationships it's that I entered into them at all. Mind you that's because if I've established anything at all of late it's that I have horrible horrible taste in men. If I was to list desirable attributes in a man of my choosing then being a dickhead wouldn't actually make it onto the list but yet I seem to continually find myself with in relationships with them.

 This has lead me to believe that I am the one that got away. Not in the traditional sense. Because I am not about to brag about what a catch I am, I don't exactly excel as selling myself and I'm not certain there's all that much to sell. What I mean is when it comes to relationships like particularly my last one I escaped, I got away and now serve as a cautionary tale for other women. Good job Laura ! this revelation came to me today while I was on my lunch. I decided to make the most of the sun and was sitting outside a coffee shop in town reading my book. It was nice and relaxing but I might have gotten a weency bit sunburned. The only thing that spoiled it a little is that during the hour that I sat there My ex boyfriend passed me at least four times. He was in town with his mother and as he passed I observed him objectively wondering what had compelled me to date him. He looked like a fat angry teenager.  Mostly because he's fat and very angry and 22. Then again his mother looked like a fat angry traveler so you could see where he gets it from. He pretended not to see me and I didn't acknowledge him but almost two years since we broke up I find myself shaking after I see him and feeling as though I might actually get sick. This is why I consider myself the one that got away. Even though I sometimes hear his voice in my head telling what's appropriate to wear and that I will never be good enough and then I remember not to listen because these aren't my words.

 The only regret is that I ever listened at all. While I gather my thoughts and my dignity I find myself glad to be single because being with someone isn't always better than being with no one. I won't say it's not lonely from time to time and I know not every relationship is bad and not every guy is like my ex but sometimes it feels safer to not take the risk and just keep reminding myself that I am the one who got away.

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