A girl without a book

A girl without a book

A girl without a book is lost,
baseless,
feels like something is missing
and not these half thumbed
paperbacks that litter
every surface.

Without a book
I am empty,
lifeless,
teetering on the edge
of worry;
napping,
chocolate eating.

Me without a book is worrying,
a happy Laura always reads,
not sure if the lack of books
is to blame
or my own
inattentive mind.

A girl without a book
is faceless,
hard to know who
I am without
knowing what I read
and why I do not.

A girl without a book
is a problem ready for solving,
waiting to  be rescued by
one dazzling, gripping read.
A girl without a book
is me.

So it wouldn't be fair to say I am not reading at all. That never really happens, I even managed to keep reading when I lived in Switzerland that year and the selection of English language books was appalling. I have however come to a bit of a standstill where I have a stack of books sitting on my shelf but there's not one I feel particularly excited about. I am reading, just at a much slower pace than I normally would. It does worry me to some degree and  I feel a little untethered but I am not exactly losing sleep over it.

There are a few reasons why I  am in this book slump. One of the main ones is that I no longer work in a Book Shop. I don't really miss the book shop per se but I really really miss the books. Maybe that's not a great thing to say about a job but I was very happy to leave. When I worked in the shop I had constant access to new books as they came out and I got to take them home, spend some quality time with them (reading said book) and then return them and unfortunately it seems that is no longer available to me as an option now that I don't work there any more. Even if I could afford to buy all the new books my heart desires, I haven't actually been in the shop very much so I have had limited opportunities to actually see what's out there. Mind you right now that would feel a bit like torture, like browsing in Lily O'Briens when I'm off chocolate.

The other thing that seems to be stopping me from getting into any books is the fact that I'm a little bit stressed right now. It's still early days in the new job and the inconsistent nature of the hours plus the fact that I am still waiting to get things sorted with social welfare means I spend a fair bit of time worrying. I know it will all work out for me but someone just needs to tell my brain that. It's funny really because one of my favourite things about reading is that it's a form of escape but because I am all stressed out I can't relax enough to get fully involved in a book. So that's where I am right now, I'll get work in order and my brain will calm down plus I should have enough money to buy myself a book or two and all will be well in the world again. For now though I am girl without a book, or at least a really good one.

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