Real life mean girls
I was thirteen when I was bullied for the first time and it left a bitter taste in my mouth.
I'd just started going to a youth center that was for keeping teenagers off the street which meant it attracted a lot of people from the rougher parts of town and an oblivious thirteen year old me. While there I met a group of girls that I started to hang around with and one of them took issue with me so she told the other girls I'd been saying things about them
and that I had a thing for one of the girls boyfriends ( for the record I didn't, he was a twerp and
I was far too shy at thirteen to even think about kissing someone). They Believed her and cornered me in town and I'm not sure what would have happened if a guy who lived down the road
from hadn't walked past and insisted on walking me home. I went home shaken and upset and told my sisters who were so angry that they warned off all of the girls, except one. They didn't know
where she lived.
A few weeks later, I was at the funfair with another group of friends when I was approached by the one girl my sisters hadn't spoken to. She challenged me to a fight which I politely refused and turned to walk away. Her response was to knock me to the ground and kick me as her friends circled around me to cheer her on. Let's not say it was a fight because I'm fairly certain It doesn't count when one of the girls is lying in a ball on the ground while one mean girl and about 14 other strangers help her land kicks at my head and stomach. Eventually I managed to get up and run away but she followed me and pinned me up against a wall restricting my breathing and warning me that she'd finish this the next time she caught me
alone. Over time the bruises faded but that warning didn't and for at least a year after that I was afraid to go into town alone, just in case.
At 15 I learned bullying can be more subtle than a kick to the stomach.
By fifteen I was in third year at school, getting ready to sit my junior certificate exam.
and was part of a close knit group of friends. We had a lot of the same classes and sat together at lunch and at the weekend we hung out in the housing estate most of the girls lived in and drank.But there was an underlying dynamic I never liked in our group where the girls would bitch about whoever wasn't there. Now, maybe my inability to think before I spoke is part of what changed things, I'll never be sure
but all I know is one day I came into school and It had been decided I was out of the group. I wasn't invited to sit with them at lunch, I wasn't included in the weekend plans and no-one in the group would even acknowledge me.
I was upset and confused because I didn't know why I was being frozen out and then
they stepped it up a little. They knocked into me in the corridors claiming it was an accident
but there was an undercurrent of threat to it and it made me nervous in a way I couldn't articulate and then they started to spread rumours about me. I started dreading going into school and on my sixteenth birthday when I begged to not have to go in and face them on that day of
all days my mum realized how bad it had gotten and went in to talk to the school.
The girls denied that they were bullying me, going so far as to stand up in class and announce that I was making it all up for attention. But I continued to be upset
and was sent to the school counsellor, a man who smelled like a curious blend
of vomit and cheap aftershave who would keep me in his office for an hour while he
dissected my painful teenage poetry ( this had only begun in the wake of the bullying).
This went nowhere and so after my exams I changed schools. There was no consequences for the girls I'd left behind.
I think one of the things that bothers me most is that fifteen years on when I talk about it, I feel as though I'm back there and I can already feel the rise of nausea in my throat but they walked away unscathed and most likely completely unaware of the damage they had caused.
So I've learnt over the years that bullying isn't about an older kid demanding your
lunch money, It can be so much more complex than that and that when it involves girls it can be so much more sneaky and underhanded than you could ever imagine.
I've learned that bullying doesn't go away when you leave school
and there can be mean girls in around every corner. Now I remember being told that if I was going to walk around with a target
on my back then of course I'd be bullied and that walking around with my head down and my shoulders slumped meant I had victim stamped all over me.
Yes, I wasn't confident at 15 and it was usually by accident if I made eye contact with someone but I don't think it's entirely fair to put all the culpability on my shoulders as this absolves
mean girls of all the blame for their actions.
These days I'm more confident and I know how to stand up for myself but
I got to be the person I am today despite these experiences as much as
because of them.
I'd just started going to a youth center that was for keeping teenagers off the street which meant it attracted a lot of people from the rougher parts of town and an oblivious thirteen year old me. While there I met a group of girls that I started to hang around with and one of them took issue with me so she told the other girls I'd been saying things about them
and that I had a thing for one of the girls boyfriends ( for the record I didn't, he was a twerp and
I was far too shy at thirteen to even think about kissing someone). They Believed her and cornered me in town and I'm not sure what would have happened if a guy who lived down the road
from hadn't walked past and insisted on walking me home. I went home shaken and upset and told my sisters who were so angry that they warned off all of the girls, except one. They didn't know
where she lived.
A few weeks later, I was at the funfair with another group of friends when I was approached by the one girl my sisters hadn't spoken to. She challenged me to a fight which I politely refused and turned to walk away. Her response was to knock me to the ground and kick me as her friends circled around me to cheer her on. Let's not say it was a fight because I'm fairly certain It doesn't count when one of the girls is lying in a ball on the ground while one mean girl and about 14 other strangers help her land kicks at my head and stomach. Eventually I managed to get up and run away but she followed me and pinned me up against a wall restricting my breathing and warning me that she'd finish this the next time she caught me
alone. Over time the bruises faded but that warning didn't and for at least a year after that I was afraid to go into town alone, just in case.
At 15 I learned bullying can be more subtle than a kick to the stomach.
By fifteen I was in third year at school, getting ready to sit my junior certificate exam.
and was part of a close knit group of friends. We had a lot of the same classes and sat together at lunch and at the weekend we hung out in the housing estate most of the girls lived in and drank.But there was an underlying dynamic I never liked in our group where the girls would bitch about whoever wasn't there. Now, maybe my inability to think before I spoke is part of what changed things, I'll never be sure
but all I know is one day I came into school and It had been decided I was out of the group. I wasn't invited to sit with them at lunch, I wasn't included in the weekend plans and no-one in the group would even acknowledge me.
I was upset and confused because I didn't know why I was being frozen out and then
they stepped it up a little. They knocked into me in the corridors claiming it was an accident
but there was an undercurrent of threat to it and it made me nervous in a way I couldn't articulate and then they started to spread rumours about me. I started dreading going into school and on my sixteenth birthday when I begged to not have to go in and face them on that day of
all days my mum realized how bad it had gotten and went in to talk to the school.
The girls denied that they were bullying me, going so far as to stand up in class and announce that I was making it all up for attention. But I continued to be upset
and was sent to the school counsellor, a man who smelled like a curious blend
of vomit and cheap aftershave who would keep me in his office for an hour while he
dissected my painful teenage poetry ( this had only begun in the wake of the bullying).
This went nowhere and so after my exams I changed schools. There was no consequences for the girls I'd left behind.
I think one of the things that bothers me most is that fifteen years on when I talk about it, I feel as though I'm back there and I can already feel the rise of nausea in my throat but they walked away unscathed and most likely completely unaware of the damage they had caused.
So I've learnt over the years that bullying isn't about an older kid demanding your
lunch money, It can be so much more complex than that and that when it involves girls it can be so much more sneaky and underhanded than you could ever imagine.
I've learned that bullying doesn't go away when you leave school
and there can be mean girls in around every corner. Now I remember being told that if I was going to walk around with a target
on my back then of course I'd be bullied and that walking around with my head down and my shoulders slumped meant I had victim stamped all over me.
Yes, I wasn't confident at 15 and it was usually by accident if I made eye contact with someone but I don't think it's entirely fair to put all the culpability on my shoulders as this absolves
mean girls of all the blame for their actions.
These days I'm more confident and I know how to stand up for myself but
I got to be the person I am today despite these experiences as much as
because of them.
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