My mother will never believe I ate Fish fingers
Here's something I know to be an absolute fact. I am a fussy eater, the dinner guest you never want to have and I had grown fairly complacent in my fussiness. And Id accepted this was a done deal.
For a brief few years during my childhood I ate what the rest of the family was eating
Without complaint but then for some unknown reason started refusing food which I'd decided i didn't like . Going to elaborate measures to avoid finishing dinner and often being force fed until my parents tired of the constant fights About food and gave in agreeing that I only had to eat the food I said I liked and the insane thing is I carried this forward into adulthood and in my mind ( though it may as well have been a written list I kept in my pocket) I had a very short list of things I would eat and a very long list of things I would not. For many many years there was No movement on either list.
It's difficult to explain but I had incredibly firm ideas about my capacity to
Enjoy certain foods even if I had in fact never tasted them. No point in arguing
With logic as I was a girl who knew her own mind.
If you have read some of my blog you might be aware that I have only been crossfitting/ using kettlebells almost two years now and it's only since that began that I had started to make teeny tiny changes in my diet. Most of what I'm
Doing doesn't seem like a big deal to regular people but regular people don't have my dysfunctional relationship with food so I am one of the few people who
Sees cause for celebration with every tiny advance in my diet.
I am currently reading a book called the anti dote ( a pop psychology book that celebrates the power of negative thinking ) and I am Also reading Byron Katie's loving what is (a book which looks at reshape my your thinking to change your whole outlook on life) and one commonality has emerged in the two. At some point both books look the concept that an event
Or action in itself is not negative or positive but the emotions we attach to
It make it so.
This really spoke to me regarding my conflict between my very strong ideas regarding food versus the reality of food and all my self talk around this. As I have become more aware of myself it's really interesting when I observe a thought I
Have in relation to food. I've recently started eating porridge again, I had put this off for so long because porridge tastes like glue and there was no way I was going to force myself to eat it but i
Needed something to keep
Me going so I tried it again and liked it and this has opened my mind just the tiniest bit that I might not be so sure what I like and what I just think I like.
The most interesting development for me was tonight, as vegetarian I've been struggling to get more protein in my diet. And the obvious choice is of course fish but I'm like Bleugh fish, no thanks . I used to have to pass a fishmongers on my way home and hold my breath going by. Fish isn't something I was even willing to try. I used to eat fish fingers as a child and there was maybe a tiny part of me that wanted to try fish again but I was scared all my ideas around fish would be right or worse again wrong! ( yes, it's complicated being me) but I am trying very hard to be more open minded so I got some gluten free fish fingers for tonight's dinner and I had all these ideas about how gross they were going to be and worried I'd be sick
Or that this attempt to expand my diet would fail but there were No disastrous consequences. I tried them and liked them and my mind was actually blown a little.
This was my eureka moment, maybe all Ní ideas about food have been wrong. A this time I've been telling myself a story about food and my relationship with it but it turns out that's a lie I've been feeding myself so I don't have to look at the deeper truth behind my neurosis.
Now I see that food in itself was never terrible but it was the ideas I've attached to food .
When It comes down to it when I try newt
Things il either like them in which case yay or I won't and that's no big deal. It can all be chalked up to experience.
Watch this space, give me a year and I
Might be the kind of girl who could go on a date to a restaurant. Stranger things have been known to happen
For a brief few years during my childhood I ate what the rest of the family was eating
Without complaint but then for some unknown reason started refusing food which I'd decided i didn't like . Going to elaborate measures to avoid finishing dinner and often being force fed until my parents tired of the constant fights About food and gave in agreeing that I only had to eat the food I said I liked and the insane thing is I carried this forward into adulthood and in my mind ( though it may as well have been a written list I kept in my pocket) I had a very short list of things I would eat and a very long list of things I would not. For many many years there was No movement on either list.
It's difficult to explain but I had incredibly firm ideas about my capacity to
Enjoy certain foods even if I had in fact never tasted them. No point in arguing
With logic as I was a girl who knew her own mind.
If you have read some of my blog you might be aware that I have only been crossfitting/ using kettlebells almost two years now and it's only since that began that I had started to make teeny tiny changes in my diet. Most of what I'm
Doing doesn't seem like a big deal to regular people but regular people don't have my dysfunctional relationship with food so I am one of the few people who
Sees cause for celebration with every tiny advance in my diet.
I am currently reading a book called the anti dote ( a pop psychology book that celebrates the power of negative thinking ) and I am Also reading Byron Katie's loving what is (a book which looks at reshape my your thinking to change your whole outlook on life) and one commonality has emerged in the two. At some point both books look the concept that an event
Or action in itself is not negative or positive but the emotions we attach to
It make it so.
This really spoke to me regarding my conflict between my very strong ideas regarding food versus the reality of food and all my self talk around this. As I have become more aware of myself it's really interesting when I observe a thought I
Have in relation to food. I've recently started eating porridge again, I had put this off for so long because porridge tastes like glue and there was no way I was going to force myself to eat it but i
Needed something to keep
Me going so I tried it again and liked it and this has opened my mind just the tiniest bit that I might not be so sure what I like and what I just think I like.
The most interesting development for me was tonight, as vegetarian I've been struggling to get more protein in my diet. And the obvious choice is of course fish but I'm like Bleugh fish, no thanks . I used to have to pass a fishmongers on my way home and hold my breath going by. Fish isn't something I was even willing to try. I used to eat fish fingers as a child and there was maybe a tiny part of me that wanted to try fish again but I was scared all my ideas around fish would be right or worse again wrong! ( yes, it's complicated being me) but I am trying very hard to be more open minded so I got some gluten free fish fingers for tonight's dinner and I had all these ideas about how gross they were going to be and worried I'd be sick
Or that this attempt to expand my diet would fail but there were No disastrous consequences. I tried them and liked them and my mind was actually blown a little.
This was my eureka moment, maybe all Ní ideas about food have been wrong. A this time I've been telling myself a story about food and my relationship with it but it turns out that's a lie I've been feeding myself so I don't have to look at the deeper truth behind my neurosis.
Now I see that food in itself was never terrible but it was the ideas I've attached to food .
When It comes down to it when I try newt
Things il either like them in which case yay or I won't and that's no big deal. It can all be chalked up to experience.
Watch this space, give me a year and I
Might be the kind of girl who could go on a date to a restaurant. Stranger things have been known to happen
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