Damn right I'm good in bed I can sleep for days :)

I wish I could sleep for days, at this stage I feel like that's what it would take to get me back on track.
I've read that in sleep deprivation is used as a method of torture and I can understand why, did you ever see how harassed someone looks when they haven't gotten enough sleep, well then its easy to imagine what no sleep could do. I used to maintain that the worst part of drinking is the hangover and I'm not going to back track and say I don't mind being hungover because now feels like a bad time to be telling dirty lies when my hangover is such a nasty beast that usually leaves me limping around woefully for at least a day after I've been drinking. What I am saying however is the Nausea/ headachey side of has now been usurped by sleep deprivation.

Yes sleep deprivation might just be my true nemesis and If I don't escape it's clutches soon I'm at real risk of going a little mad ( okay well a bit more mad than I am already). So to recap you on my incredibly exciting life (just in case you hadn't been following) on Tuesday we had a function in work ( the wedding fair) where no dinner and much wine was consumed. I fell into bed a little after twelve and slept like a very drunk person (not very well, in the way alcohol robs you of all rest). That morning  I woke at 6,30 so that I could fully experience my suffering before work and I've kind of drifted in a loop of bad sleep since then. I'm going from feeling bone tired to completely wired and it's all adding up to not enough sleep and a very cranky Laura.

Admittedly some of it is my own fault. Obviously no one forced the wine down my throat and I have eaten late once or twice plus I over-trained just a little at the gym on my days off. Admittedly not the cleverest thing to be doing when I already felt like a zombie but I had my reasons. Most of all it was to lift me out of the god awful depression that stalks me in the wake of hangover induced sleep deprivation ( Are you feeling jealous yet??).

So here goes in no particular order this is what happens to me when I go without sleep. For one I feel really really tired all the damn time and I know this is an obvious one but it makes it so hard to get much of anything done. Then I swear I get a whole lot thicker, my grasp on the English language even slips a little ( and if you knew what a grammar nazi I was at heart you'd get why that's such a big deal) but I stop making sense and lose interest in my own sentences even as I'm still speaking which makes it a really enjoyable time to be in my company. And I become more gullible and say some pretty stupid things much to the amusement of others around me. I become really hungry, now I have read actual scientific studies (just in case I get accused of making excuses for my gluttony ) which say that your ability to make good food decisions become seriously inhibited when you are sleep deprived or beyond a certain point of hunger. I find all my impulses go astray ...Oh I'm talking to you magic disappearing (into my tummy) jar of almond butter or yummy yummy cake that I really shouldn't be eating and then my stomach grumbles unpleasantly and I mutter to myself 'this is why you can't have nice things, Laura'. But worst of all is the mindless depression and the utter hopelessness that follows. I know all I need is a proper nights sleep to sort me out but have you ever tried to get a good nights sleep when you have the cloud of doom hanging over your head and your inner monologue is begging to tell you about those bills that aren't due for two weeks or remind you of that time you got horribly rejected. The beauty of it being that with this horrible feeling you continue to lose more sleep making all of the above worse.

So it's four days in and the fug has not really lifted but I've come to accept that wine is not for me. Nothing is worth a four day hangover. Tonight I am sleeping like a narcoleptic and tomorrow I will be waking refreshed and less like the blubbering idiot I've been all week.

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