That little voice in your head that tells you you're not good enough.

Every one has an inner monologue, right ? I'm not sure how I'd handle it if I found out it was just me and I'd inadvertently just confessed to being crazy right here on my blog. yikes.
Well anyway my inner monologue doesn't really serve a purpose and honestly she's a bit of a bitch.

 I think I'm naturally a worrier and over thinker which in one sense makes me cautious usually to my benefit but then in another way I almost drive myself crazy with my ability to over think things and to worry myself sick and then worry that because I've IBS that the stress will actually make me sick so if you're wondering if its possible to get stressed about stress the answer is yes. Trust me I'm an expert on this subject. My inner monologue is the voice that whispers in my ear just as I'm drifting off to sleep and reminds me I need to sort that form or sort some issue out in the morning and then proceeds to niggle me awake with worrying. It is what wakes me at 3 am to pee and then keeps me from getting some much needed slumber with worries about that bill that's due next week or month that I don't quite have money for and then insists I stay awake and worry endlessly about this.
It's what gets me from Oh I must sort this out next week to freaking out over something that I later find a solution to.

 Oh and you know that voice you get in your ear that tells you you're not good enough, the one that says things so mean you'd actually slap someone else for saying them well that's her too. Whenever I'm feeling crappy about how I look my inner monologue forgets to point out how far I've come and the changes I've made but instead happily points out my flaws till I find myself turning from the mirror. When I eat too much or one treat too many my inner monologue is the one mooing at me (mind you that might be because my ex thought it was amusing to do so but back then it was cookies and ice-cream and now its apples and almond butter) Or just giving me a hard time for eating too much. 

 When I had a more hectic social life and I'd wake after a night out curled in the bed, afraid to move lest I wake the hangover, my inner monologue would be there gently reminding me of that highly embarrassing thing I said or did and making me feel worse about it. It's the voice that tells me when to worry, when to I've done wrong, that makes me feel small and insignificant and all I want to know is, is there an off button?
a snooze button even? 
So I can relax in my own skin and sleep safe in the knowledge I wont have a 3 am awakening to look forward to

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