Depression is a dirty word
Not everyone knows the feeling of waking in the morning and feeling crushed by the weight of your own sadness but I've been there. Depression is not a logical beast, there is no reason for the waves of despair there just is.
It's one of those things that people don't talk about. Perhaps it's the fear of not being believed or being judged but I figure hey, I'm going to be judged anyway. The very least I owe myself is a certain degree of honesty.
I find for me this depression comes in waves, it ebbs and flows and at its worst its overpowering. For the most part I manage it well like a small
Bold child that needs constant minding.
And I find one good workout can shake
The sadness when It threatens to bring me down.
When I moved back to Ireland , to no job
And a bad relationship, the days all
Blurred together. I was angry and bored
And despondent. It got better but first it got a whole lot worse. After 6 months teetering on the edge of my sanity I finally got a job and my bad relationship collapsed leaving me to pick up the pieces. For the next while I miserably waded between a guy I should have moved on from and my new life. Pushing myself to the point of illness. It was only in hospital that I was forced to stop and listen to that voice in my head that said
I'd reached my breaking point but a week
With little food and no sleep left me pretty fragile. I emerged a shadow of myself and asked for help. I didn't want to return to work but I couldn't wallow in my misery forever. It was hard to be alone, to stop crying , to slow the anxiety which oozed from my every pore.
My doctor, clearly out for a kick back tried to push me to take anti depressants when
I asked for a referral to a counsellor but I said no. I was dressed and out of bed
So a chemical dependence seemed like an unnecessary accessory. Tired of
Waiting I made my own appointment
With a counsellor and talked and talked and talked until the anxiety subsided and the crying stopped. Instinctively I knew
The time had come to change so
I cleaned up my diet, exercised more and went looking for a better job.
eventually the darkness lifted but on occasion it threatens to return but I won't allow myself to be defeated And I refuse to feel ashamed.
It's one of those things that people don't talk about. Perhaps it's the fear of not being believed or being judged but I figure hey, I'm going to be judged anyway. The very least I owe myself is a certain degree of honesty.
I find for me this depression comes in waves, it ebbs and flows and at its worst its overpowering. For the most part I manage it well like a small
Bold child that needs constant minding.
And I find one good workout can shake
The sadness when It threatens to bring me down.
When I moved back to Ireland , to no job
And a bad relationship, the days all
Blurred together. I was angry and bored
And despondent. It got better but first it got a whole lot worse. After 6 months teetering on the edge of my sanity I finally got a job and my bad relationship collapsed leaving me to pick up the pieces. For the next while I miserably waded between a guy I should have moved on from and my new life. Pushing myself to the point of illness. It was only in hospital that I was forced to stop and listen to that voice in my head that said
I'd reached my breaking point but a week
With little food and no sleep left me pretty fragile. I emerged a shadow of myself and asked for help. I didn't want to return to work but I couldn't wallow in my misery forever. It was hard to be alone, to stop crying , to slow the anxiety which oozed from my every pore.
My doctor, clearly out for a kick back tried to push me to take anti depressants when
I asked for a referral to a counsellor but I said no. I was dressed and out of bed
So a chemical dependence seemed like an unnecessary accessory. Tired of
Waiting I made my own appointment
With a counsellor and talked and talked and talked until the anxiety subsided and the crying stopped. Instinctively I knew
The time had come to change so
I cleaned up my diet, exercised more and went looking for a better job.
eventually the darkness lifted but on occasion it threatens to return but I won't allow myself to be defeated And I refuse to feel ashamed.
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