fake

This might not be new but it's new to me, the other day I found out you can now buy padding to put in the back of your pants to make your bum look more pert and I thought what will they think of next. There's nothing left to fake, you can get hair, nails, tan and eyelashes and then there's bras to lift your boobs and knickers to suck in your tummy. Leaving you packaged up like a promise you won't be able to keep because it's all fake.

 Now I'm for making the best of what you've got but surely it gets to the stage where it's just false advertising. There's hoards of women out there bemoaning the fact that they just want to be loved for who they are but then go to great pains to hide their real selves.

 I've always wanted to look better but until Crossfit came my way I was doing very little about it besides moaning about how hard it was to lose weight and maybe slapping on a bit of make up and fake tan for a night out. And yes fake tan does make you appear slimmer, unless you go too far and end up resembling a truck made by tonka or an employee of willy wonka ( I'm sure the great David O'Doherty won't me mind me borrowing a lyric or two from his song Orange) but when it comes down to it nothing will make you slimmer like actually losing weight. So I finally accepted I wasn't cut out to be high maintenance and painstakingly got there the hard way. 

 I have at times considered doing a bit more with myself but most of these things scare me a little. Like I've seen some really nice false eyelashes and I've also seen some that look like there's a dead spider on your eye ( a hot look btw) but my fear has always been that I'd glue my eye shut or that one set of false eyelashes would fall off during the night and I'd spend the whole night batting my one sexy eye like an awful eejit. 

 As for my hair I don't know how I'd feel about extensions, It seems like a whole lot of unnecessary work. At this point in my life my hair styling tends to be no more complicated than deciding if I want it up or down and maybe straightening it and that's about as much as I can manage unless you count the times I've tried to cut my own fringe and ended up in the hairdressers hours later, shamefaced as I explain how I came to butcher my own hair.

 And one Halloween I did experiment with fake nails to set off my costume but I found I couldn't do anything. My hands became useless, I couldn't pick things up or turn pages or open buttons and it was all extremely frustrating so I made peace with my stubby little nails and accepted that pretty nails are for other people who I presume have minions to do all the everyday tasks they can't manage or else they have somehow managed to adapt to the nails in ways that I couldn't. 

 I do remember back in my heavier days buying a pair of hold me in knickers but I can't remember if they ever got a public outing because they were horribly uncomfortable and it felt like my insides were likely to be squeezed out But also when you think about it the fat has to go somewhere because they are not magic knickers, there's only so much they can do. That surprise roll of fat I'm sure is equally as unattractive as the tummy you were trying to hold in the first place. The other thing that put me off is that surely the whole purpose of them is look more attractive and meet someone ( for single ladies obviously) but if you did get lucky when do you take off the knickers, I've seen what they look like on and they are not exactly made for a sexy undressing so do you sneak into the loo and hide them in your handbag but if you do that and come out a dress size bigger than you went in then surely he'll be scratching his head and wondering what the hell you ate while you were in there. Maybe I'm just over thinking it.

 Since I've lost weight my boobs have gotten smaller but I steer clear of the triple padded bra's which promise me a cleavage so high I could rest my chin on it and settling on support and maybe just a teeny bit of padding just so everyone doesn't have to know when I'm cold if you get my drift. ( for the slower members of the audience - I don't want my nipples on show)

 So that's why I'm choosing not to fake it, tweaking it maybe but that's as far as I'll go because I'd rather work on making changes to how I really look rather than hiding behind a smokescreen and maybe it's not the most attractive version of me but at least I'm not setting anyone up for disappointment, least of all myself.

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